IDK He Just Annoyed Me

This very flamboyant short Latino guy, who kind of resembled Cheech Marin (or Super Mario), came into the spa last night. He originally wanted a "male masseuse" (as he called it) and I said, "I'm sorry, we've only got female therapists here. Are you interested in receiving massage therapy?" He said, "Sure." I handed him the intake form and he filled out most of it. When I received it, I skimmed through what he missed and asked, "What city do you live in? What areas of your body do you need the most therapy? Any allergies to flowers, oil, odors, I should be aware of?"

So, all is good. I was needing extra cash, so, despite my first impression of him, I took him anyway. I put this mantra in my head:

"If he does ANYTHING annoying and offensive, he is OUT. Strictly no refunds." 

He gave me money and I walked to the lobby and called him in. I led him to the massage room and he instantly started getting undressed, and I IMMEDIATELY walked out. He wanted an hour of deep tissue work done, because he just got done playing raquetball.

While on the table, he kept moving back and forth. I asked if he needed a pillow because he looked uncomfortable. He said he did want one. I got him one with a fresh pillowcase and held it out so he could put it wherever. While working on his back he asks if I own the place (my answer: yes) and how I legitimatize myself over the other "massage parlors."

This conversation was all too familiar. 

I answered, "Well, for starters I always refer to myself as a massage therapist and not a massage girl or a masseuse. I always let the clients know they must be draped. I also do not advertise in adult entertainment in the newspaper or have my phone number listed in the same massage category as escorts. My billing is not discreet and I'm not open 24 hours. I let people know I offer gift certificates and that I also will massage a child or teenager. I don't accept gratuities before or during a massage treatment. I have brochures and I think I carry myself as a professional." He said, "Ah, yeah, the adult entertainment. I see." I hate answering that question, it riles me up on the inside.

When I turned the guy over, he wanted a tissue as he was stuffy. He started coughing and sneezing and sniffling. I was like, "Do you have a cold?" 

He said, "No, I've got allergies." Did I not ask him that in the beginning? 

I said, "To floral essences?" 

He said, "No, just the Spring season." I think he had a cold. I hope I don't get one.

He asked if he could get up and run to his car really quick. What the heck does he need from his car? So, I said sure. He went to his car and came back, then wanted to use my bathroom. I couldn't begin to imagine what he needed and what he was doing, but I went ahead and went to my office and chilled. He went back to the massage room and got under the sheet. I continued the massage and I diaper draped him.

He ended the massage and said he'd like a shower. On his way out he thanked me and gave me a ten dollar gratuity.